A look in the mirror....

I enjoy reading peoples' testimonies about how they came to Christ. In fact, a very interesting one is being told at the aforementioned Jessica Kaylor blog . But it did get me to thinking: what is it like to live without Christ? For some, it's a conscious decision; others may have been raised without ever knowing Him. Having been a Christian my whole life, I can't imagine what that's like, and I wouldn't even know where to begin.

I can't help but wonder if I take that for granted sometimes: knowing that He's always there. In other words, because I was raised Christian and have been going to church all my life, Jesus has been the one constant in my life. In one respect, I'm enormously thankful that I have Jesus in my life, and I didn't have to do anything to get Him. It's as if I've known He's been there all the time.

Still, on the other hand, I find myself letting that comfort turn into complacency, and my faith just becomes a lot of well-studied words from what I saw in the Bible. Do as I say, not necessarily as I do, & all that. In doing so, I become the kind of Christian I loathe: the talker. The Wizard of Oz. Pay no attention to that man behind the UT shirt. Just shut up, listen, and be amazed at my verbal skills and biblical knowledge.

(I'll pause here for a second, in order for you to go hurl if you need to!)

The only time I can think of that would come even remotely close to that "born again" feeling was when my family started attending Advent Lutheran Church in 1986. At the time, I was 16 and, like a lot of teenagers, looking for "God," or something like Him. My church at the time, the church I had been attending for as long as I could remember and in which I was confirmed, had rarely been a spiritually fulfilling experience, and I'd been going to church just because my folks said so. (That said, a brief aside is in order: had it not been for my mom's faith and determination, I would've stopped going to church long before I ever hit my teens. Thanks, Mom. I mean that). Then we started going to Advent, and for the first time in my life I actually wanted to go to church. For the most part, that feeling is still with me. But I know it was God who led my family to Advent.

I'm having trouble ending this, so I'll just finish with this: I'm thankful that I've never known what it's like to live without Jesus. I can't imagine I'll ever know what that feeling is like; I mean, I can't ever see a time when I would consciously turn my back on Christ. And this is not to say I am without my doubts and struggles.

Like I said, I'm having trouble ending this. Which is probably as good a metaphor for my relationship with Christ as anything. I couldn't end it even if I wanted to.

Which I don't.

But, I gotta get to bed because.... well, I have church tomorrow!

In Him and around the corner (and constantly going in circles),
Al