I am going round and round....

Okay, this was a God moment. There is no other explanation for what just happened.

I had just finished typing out a long dark night of the soul almost-prayer, using the title of tonight's entry (taken from the Who's "In a Hand or Face" from The Who By Numbers) as my starting point, went to highlight the whole thing for copying elsewhere and it just.... disappeared. Just like a prayer, lifted up to the Lord, out of my hands and into His.

I tried hitting Ctrl-Z to try and bring it back, tried Ctrl-V in hopes it had accidentally been cut/copied. Tried to go back to the auto-saved draft. Nothing.

What do you make of this? Computer glitch? This isn't the first time I've done this process, but it's the first and (so far) only time it's ever evaporated right before my eyes.

It's just a reminder that when I pray, I need to let God take my prayer. I don't know about y'all, but my "amens" rarely signal that I'm ready to let go of what I'm supposed to be giving to God. Oh, what peace I often forfeit; oh, what grief and pain I bear. All because I do not carry everything to God in prayer. I believe He just showed me tonight how it's supposed to be done.

Amen, baby.

In Him and around the corner (and still in awe),

Al

Thinkin' about temptation...

Okay kids, my friend Gaylene posted a doozy tonight. The link is at the end, but I wanted to share with you first the crux of what she wrote and then my comment:

Gaylene writes:

The next to last line of the Lord’s Prayer says, “And lead us not into
temptation.”

I have always wondered about this line in the Lord’s Prayer. I have wondered why God would lead us into temptation. Temptation is walking the other way from where God is. And giving into temptation is falling into the hole of sin. Whether we land in that hole with our eyes wide open and with full knowledge of our actions or if we sort of slip into the hole by accident, we are still in the hole! James 1:13 says, “When people are tempted they should not say, God is tempting me.” God does not tempt us. I don’t think God can be tempted. I think this line of the prayer means, God keep me focused on you and away from the slippery spots and if I do fall, Father pick me up and set me back on the right path again.

I usually fall off the path when I let go of the hand of the Father. The good news is that God is willing to pick us up and help us back on the path once again. When we do slip and fall (and we all do), God is waiting for us. He is waiting to forgive us at the moment we ask for forgiveness and we are back in fellowship with God and holding His hand once again. We can ask for forgiveness and be assured of that forgiveness because of the next line of the prayer; “and deliver us from evil.” We are asking to be delivered from the evil one. Satan has no power over God and so His forgiveness is the gift of His grace and our deliverance from evil. When we are walking the journey there will be twists and turns, slippery places, large gaping holes and choices to make. Choose to keep your hand firmly clasped in the hand of the Father.

To which I responded:

Oh great: now you got ME pondering that line! Now that I think about it, my head's going around in circles. Of course, that could just be my daily meds wearing off.....

Seriously, I guess the only thing I can come up with is..... well, actually, I can't. I've been trying to come up with something, and I keep deleting it because it always comes back to the same conclusion, which you drew and rightly observed in James: God doesn't lead us into temptation. Given that, I'm not sure I even agree with your conclusion, reassuring as it is.

All I do know and can back up with Scripture is that James does indeed say God doesn't tempt us; but it was Jesus who, in Luke and Matthew, included "lead us not into temptation" in His instructions on how and what to pray. Why He would say that is a mystery to me. Again, I can speculate all night but still come to the same fork in the road: does God tempt us? And does it matter if He does? Doesn't He test us to the best of our abilities? Isn't that how we learn?

I don't know either; I'm just throwing questions out there.

http://greetingsfromaustinstreet.blogspot.com/2009/03/happy-st.html

Who says Christians don't know how to think?

In Him and around the corner (and still trying to keep my head from spinning),

Al

Disorganized religion (and writing)

The conversation between me and my daughter centers around her distaste for church of any kind. It hurts at first, but then it finally occurs to me: she's been at the same church her entire life. All she knows is you get up Sunday morning and you go to church. She's also had some people who she thought were friends (and "Christian" ones at that) pass harsh judgement on decisions she's made. So, as far as she's concerned, church is just a building full of hypocrites who put on a good face for about an hour and then go back to being jerks the other six-plus days of the week.

Sadly, I've completely forgotten what that feeling is like because my family changed churches when I was 16. By then, I was sick of my church. The friends that I'd known since we were little kids had turned on me and decided I wasn't cool enough for them, to the point where they were starting to talk down to me. I say this not because it was the reason (or any reason) why we left that church; instead, it's only to say that had we NOT changed churches, I'm 100% certain I'd be in the same situation as my daughter. In fact, when I was her age, I had a lot of anger towards a lot of people and things at church as well.

(Please understand that my daughter is very much a Christian. She has a faith that I only dream about. I have to remind myself that even King David--the man after God's own heart--had his moments of doubt, anger, and frustration at His people)

As cynical as I am about things (and it's all a front, by the way; I only appear cynical because my biggest fear in life is that folks will find out what a gullible naif I really am, and the bitter irony is that I'm probably the only person on the planet who doesn't realize y'all already knew that!), I have to accept a lot of blame for not showing my daughter that church is God's house. In other words, no matter what the BS that goes on inside there, it's still God's house and God is love. Ergo, if you look for it, you will find love in God's house. I don't believe I ever taught her how to look for that kind of love inside the house of God.

Thing is, I need a place to worship God and I need to be around others to do so. I know there are people in the world who claim they don't need that; more power to 'em. (Quick show of hands: how many of you feel like Simon & Garfunkel's "I Am a Rock" is speaking personally to you? Yeah, I know; me too) For those of you who think you don't need church, have you considered the possibility that the church might need you? That's not egotistical or selfish to believe, despite what others might say. Yes, I know God can fulfill His plan whether you or I am at church or not; but it sure makes me feel better knowing I'm helping Him out.

Look, I know churches can be a source of bad memories of awful times. I also know that people can be absolute garbage, even inside God's house. Heck, I witnessed it myself at church this morning, some of the most un-Christian behavior I'd ever seen. But if I let that drive me away from God's house, then the devil wins, the bad guys win, the forces of evil win. Today, anyway.

Lord, help me to show others that Your house is a house of love, and that no matter how hard we try to make it into something other than that, Your love will always prevail.

In Him and around the corner (and hoping others are feeling the love),

Al

Faith and religion...

Facebook is bad. Bad. Bad. Bad with a capital B bad. As if I don't have enough distractions in my life. I should've gone to bed over an hour ago, but I've been busy visiting "friends" pages, looking up old classmates, taking various quizzes, and generally wasting time. Just wondering: at what point did we as a society decide that we needed to broadcast every waking moment to the general public? I'm not asking as a critic, but as someone who can very easily get swept up in the moment of thinking the world really gives a rat's you-know-what about my every waking moment.

Now, to quote Bill Cosby, I told you that story to tell you this. On one of my friend's page, he mentions that he hates "politics and religion." In one discussion awhile back, he told me he was an agnostic (and given his situation right now, that's actually a positive statement; I'm suprised he's not an outright atheist, but then I'm no expert on levels of belief/unbelief). Honestly, I always feel sad whenever I hear someone say that they are an agnostic, an atheist, don't need church, don't need religion, etc. The only way I can describe the sadness would be like someone telling me my dad didn't exist, or that I don't need my dad; another way of describing it is watching someone give a gift to someone else, only to have that gift either rejected outright, or motives questioned, or..... running out of words here.

Up front: I've been blessed in that, for the most part, my religious experiences have been good, or at the very least, nothing has ever happened that made me doubt the presence of God. I've also been of the opinion that God is good and that He uses everything to His advantage. That's not to say I've never been angry, frustrated, upset, disappointed, or generally apathetic to Him. Nor do I believe that all the bad stuff that happens is "part of His plan" (I hate it when people say that. Like God planned on the awful shootings that happened this week. That sound you heard was my BS meter going through the roof)

I guess it's my job, as someone who claims to follow Christ, to show others (especially my friend)that religion isn't the same thing as faith. Religion is taught, faith is learned. Religion is of the brain, faith is of the heart. Religion tries to make sense out of everything, faith accepts that nothing makes sense except God and even HE doesn't make sense to us. (I'd like to think that believers and non-believers can agree on that last point)

In the next post, I'll explain why, despite the fact I believe that "organized religion" is a misnomer, I still need church. And hopefully, if you don't believe you need church, maybe a light will go on in your heart. Or at the very least, a spark will have been lit.

In Him and around the corner (and resisting the urge to check out Facebook one more time before going to bed),

Al

Music-making

Can't believe I left out one of THE highlights of the last two weeks and of the entire 39th-birth-day-it's-REALLY-all-about-ME weekend: I got to make music with my next-door neighbor Mark. We spent an entire Sunday afternoon at his house just running through old hymns, songs he's written, and other assorted jams (for anyone who likes Blue Note jazz, we trampled through Grant Green's version of "Joshua Fit de Battle of Jericho" from Feelin' the Spirit, as spiritual a jazz record or any record for that matter. What was so cool was that we played it pretty close to the record, despite the fact that Mark had never heard this particular version!!!)

We rocked out on "I Love to Tell the Story" (probably my favorite hymn) and other tunes from the old Lutheran "green book;" "Holy Holy Lord" and "You Are So Wonderful," both written by Mark and available as free downloads at his website www.markandrewpope.com, and both of them a bunch of fun to play! We also listened to other songs and then his son (who's 20 months old) came in and did some "guest vocals" (i.e. he sat on daddy's lap, babbled into the microphone, and laughed the kind of laugh only a toddler can do, the kind that us grown-ups wonder why/how we ever forgot to laugh like that) which made me wish I'd had my camera going.

Talk about making a joyful noise unto the Lord! Here's hoping there will be more opportunities to do so. So, thank you Lord for the gift of music and for Mark, someone with whom you allow me to share that gift.

In Him and around the corner (and still feelin' the spirit),

Al

Emphasize THIS

Against You, You only, have I sinned,
And done this evil in Your sight --
That You may be found just when You speak,
And blameless when You judge (Psalm 51:4).

The same passage with one word highlighted:

Against You, You only, have I sinned,
And done this evil in Your sight --
That You may be found just when You speak,
And blameless when You judge

Now, that's the way we normally read it: that we would find out that God is a just and loving God. However, in my four-hour-sleep-deprived state this morning, I inadvertently emphasized a different word:

Against You, You only, have I sinned,
And done this evil in Your sight --
That You may be found just when You speak,
And blameless when You judge

God speaks, and I am found. God speaks, and He finds me. Or you. Or anyone else, for that matter.

Lord, please speak to me and find me. Not on my terms, but on yours.

In Him and around the corner (and out in the open),

Al

PS: The ducks are back!!! Folks in my neighborhood might know who I'm talking about. There's these two ducks, a mallard and.... a brown one. Last spring, they walked all over the neighborhood, like an old couple out for an evening stroll. For some reason, they loved our street and were constantly camping out in front of our neighbor's houses and sometimes my house. I guess this is how we tell when spring has returned around here!

Two weeks notice

Hope you got your coffee (or whatever caffeinated beverage) ready, this one's a long one.

In between the last time I wrote and this time, the following took place:

-Became an official WARM Place Facilitator and learned another lesson about God's will versus my own. I wanted to be placed in a group for kids grieving the death of a parent or sibling. Instead, I got assigned to a group for kids grieving the death of a grandparent and/or other extended family members. At first I was disappointed; this wasn't what I wanted. Then, in not so many blunt terms, God had a way of saying, "So I should assign those other folks in your class (you know, the ones who have ACTUALLY LOST A PARENT OR SIBLING) to the 'grandparent group,' so you can work with kids who've lost parents or siblings (despite the fact that you have lost NEITHER, but you HAVE lost your grandparents, one of whom you were extremely close to). Yeah, explain THAT one to me." I don't always understand how/why God works, but I do appreciate his bluntness.

-Turned 39 and had THE best birthday party ever. It caused me to think of a variation on the Ash Wednesday proclamation: "Remember that you are loved, and to Love you shall return." I hope all of you will carry that in your heart as well.

-While turning 39 isn't such a big deal (the first of many, I hope), it did cause me to reflect on the past 20 years. My daughter is 22; she is now the age I was when I asked her mother to marry me. Even THAT one caught Cyndy by surprise. Some cousins of mine will have been married for 20 years this June. We had a family reunion in August of '89, and my sister and I played with young cousins who are now in their 20's, maybe married, maybe have kids, who knows? I bought my first bass that summer, and I still have it. The funny thing is, I don't feel any different now than I did 20 years ago. I thank the kids for that; they keep me young. Or, at least, feeling young.

-On the same day I turned 39, a good friend of mine had her baby boy. The mom is maybe a couple years older than me, and the only reason I say that is because she's like the older sibling I never had.

-Learned that cancer had claimed yet another victim this week. I've lost count. I haven't lost heart, though. (Yeah, I know, big deal, yay for me, it's all about me, remember?). Note to self: tell the grandparents about The WARM Place for their grandson. And while I'm at it, keep in your prayers these two girls who lost their mom about a year ago (also to cancer). Their dad is not dealing well with the loss, and has gone completely caveman-ninja on them, borderline abuse. He refuses to let them seek grief counseling. The oldest girl even brags about how she didn't cry at her mom's funeral. The two girls are 14 and 7. I've taught the 7-year-old in Sunday School a couple of times, and she's a wonderful child, so it breaks my heart to hear about her situation.

-Made an appointment with a therapist/psychiatrist to deal with various issues, mostly anger and the fact that I've been taking EVERYTHING personally lately and lashing out at every chance I get. For whatever it's worth (and this is just for future reference, so future AL, when you read this and ask why you thought anyone would give a rat's you-know-what about what kind of drugs you were on, hopefully it will be to see how far you've come), I am on four different meds to combat various anxieties, depression, self-loathing, and other scattered neuroses. I was supposed to seek a therapist when I started back on my meds about three years ago. I have had little to no success with psychiatrists and therapists, but the fact that two different people, completely unrelated and in completely different contexts, asked me the same question ("Where do you go to deal with your anger?") and the fact that even Nathan notices when I'm angry eben though I don't feel angry, finally pushed me to make that call. Again, God's will versus my own, and yet another small revelation of why He sent me to the WARM Place, because it was through the training that I found the doctor I eventually called. Hopefully, this one works. Please pray for me.

-Took Cyndy and Nathan to Austin visit UT and the big open house known as "Explore UT." Had the time of our lives, exploring the campus, checking out the different departments, and then marching with the band from the practice field to the UT tower, where a big group picture was taken which will be posted on the UT website in a couple of days.

-While all that was going on, I was seized by a number of bittersweet moments: realizing that Nathan is five years away from going to UT; remembering how hard it was to move my sister down there; walking through some of the same areas we walked through when we moved her down there and thinking "This is only five years away." Even driving home from Austin today, I had a lump in my throat thinking about Nathan moving out. Five years may seem like a long time, but 13 years sure went by pretty quickly. Heck, for that matter, THIRTY-NINE years went by rather quickly.

My apologies for the big lag between posts. Now that we're up to speed, I can go back to posting the usual nonsense and meanderings.

In Him and around the corner (and convinced that Daylight Savings Time is the work of Satan),

Al

Reflections of a friend

The following was written by my friend Mark Pope (here's his website: http://www.markandrewpope.com, where you can read the following and other enlightening and inspirational thoughts; check out his songs and music; and listen to podcasts featuring him and his friend Aron discussing a lot of things that usually make me go "AMEN!"). This spoke to me in ways I thought unfathomable. I'm sharing it with y'all in the hopes that it speaks to you in much the same way. Happy reading!

*************************************
Revision...

Over the last few weeks, I’ve been going back through some old music and revising it and editing it to try to get it out to people. The problem is that I’ve found that the older the song, the harder it is for me to revise. I’ve been looking at music that is maybe 15 years old. I don’t know that it was all that great to begin with, but even as I look at it again after all of these years, I find myself reluctant to change a note or rhythm. There’s something about those tunes, melodies and harmonies that just get ingrained into my head. When I start to revise, I feel like I’m just chopping up ideas and confusing the form, etc... But, the truth is, that at the end of the process, I usually find a better piece of music in place of the old. Also, I find that I’ve been much more conservative in my revision than I thought I was at the time that I was revising. Changes that I thought were HUGE sometimes make very little difference to the overall feel or sound of a piece of music.

But, as I sit and do this day after day, I start to realize that I approach a lot of things in my life like this. There are habits and traits that have been around for a very long time. As far as I’m concerned, they are just on the shelf and part of who I am. But, in times of crisis or when I can feel ol’ Satan creeping in, I have to re-examine who I am. And, I see the old me and realize that I need to revise. Sometimes, I need some serious revision, actually.

So, I set on revising - through prayer and scripture and help from my spouse and friends... and I think that I’m making huge strides. But, sometimes my revisions don’t make a big difference in my overall person. And, unlike my music, when I make self-revisions, those revisions can slowly work their way back to the original. One step forward... ______ steps back. Ever felt that way?

Here’s the lesson that I have to learn over and over and over.... I can rely on scripture, prayer and just about who or whatever else I want to, but God is the Master Revisor. Until I give my life to Him and allow God to be the Editor in Chief of my life, all of my self-help and self-evaluation is like the tiny revisions that I make to some of my old music. It is still my old music - just all polished up. That’s the best I can do for myself. I can take my old self and polish it up. Make it look good on the outside - and feel good, for a short while, on the inside. But only God does complete overhauls.

I just pray that God writes a new symphony with my life. Not to take all of the old material and patch it together differently - but to constantly make me new through Jesus - to continually renew, refresh and strengthen me in His Word.

***************************************************

Amen, brother, and thanks for letting me share it here.

In Him and around the corner (and thanking God for such groovy neighbors),
Al

On companionship...

This past Sunday was Transfiguration Sunday. The Gospel reading was from the ninth chapter of Mark, where Jesus takes Peter, James, & John up a mountain and is transfigured before their eyes.

Ever wonder why Jesus took these particular disciples with Him? Times like this make me wish the Bible had recorded the conversations that took place during this walk up and down the mountain:

"Hey guys, y'wanna go for a walk with me?"
"Sure, why not!"

And off they go. I wonder if Jesus told them to get ready to see something spectacular. You gotta figure it was a pretty long walk; wonder what they talked about? Of course, being guys, they might not have said anything!

Then, once they're up there, how long were they up there? A few minutes? A half hour? When Jesus was transfigured, and Elijah and Moses showed up, Peter asked if they should build three shelters. Were they running around trying to find tools, supplies, wood, etc? And then they hear the voice of God and it's all over.

And Jesus looks at them and says, "Well, shall we head back?" You can imagine how stunned the disciples looked! And then, to top it all off, Jesus says "Don't mention any of this to anyone when we get back!" HUH??? Who can keep a secret like that? Thankfully, the Bible does indicate that the four of them talked a lot on the way back.

But getting back to my original curiosity: why did Jesus take these guys with him? Certainly not to prove anything to them; they were his closest friends. Perhaps to prepare them for things to come. But I have to wonder if Jesus just wanted someone to go with Him? If you've got a long journey ahead, don't you want some companionship? The road is a lot less lonely when there's more than one.

I like having people around; I love having my friends around. Why wouldn't Jesus also feel the same way?

Thank you Jesus for being my friend and for showing me what a true friend is and how a true friend acts.

In Him and around the corner (and trying to figure out a way to write BEFORE midnight),

Al

Another look in the mirror (it still ain't pretty)

We've lived in this house for over eight years now. We've slowly gotten to know our neighbors over the years, but the sad fact is that some of them have lived here longer than we have and I've only taken the time to get to know them over the last few months.

We have this one lady on our street who is a talker. Sweet, sweet lady. But she's a talker. The first day we were here, I was in a hurry to get Amanda to a volleyball game and Janet came running over to our car to introduce herself. When we were leaving, we had a half-hour before the game started with about a ten minute drive ahead of us. We hardly said a word and we were still fifteen minutes late! Of course, we learned a lot about Janet and the history of the neighborhood that day. Unfortunately, we let that scar us into avoiding her, and over the years, the only time I've talked to her is if she happens to see me. Sure enough, I (or anyone else in my family) woulde be stuck for at least a half-hour, and even then the only way the conversation would end would be for me to say "Bye" at least five times and keep walking.

I apologize for the blunt tone; to try and put any of that nicely would be an insult to Janet and a lie to God and y'all because there was absolutely nothing nice about the way I've acted these last eight years.

However, the Lord gave me a view from the other end of that mirror recently. Lately, I've been a pest to people, and not in the good way I wrote about earlier (meaning when I get together with people, I always end up doing most-if-not-all of the talking, and barely letting anyone else get a word in edgewise). I started thinking about Janet and how I was pretty much getting a taste of my own medicine.

I'm having a neighborhood campfire next Friday night and have all the invitations delivered except one (Jake, I'm gonna get yours to you this weekend, I promise! You guys are definitely invited!). I approached Janet's house with no small amount of trepidation, but I wanted to show God that the lesson He tried to teach me was not in vain.

Sure enough, Janet answered the door and off she went! Let me tell you right now about what a wonderful feeling it was to stand there, listen, maybe say a few words every now and then, and above all to GET OVER MYSELF. I mean, I still had to end the conversation (had to get home, make dinner, get back up to work for a few hours); but not once did I wish I wasn't right there talking/listening (actually, more listening than talking, but then I need that. A LOT!)

God, thank you for being patient with me, for giving me a second chance, and for allowing me to see You in yet another unlikely place. Thank you for forgiving me, because I sure need it for this one and deserve it even less than I usually deserve Your forgiveness (which is to say, not at all).

In Him and around the corner (and all ears),

Al

Feelin' the Spirit

From Edwin Plass' What Luther Says, regarding the Holy Spirit as mentioned in John 14:23-31:

(The Holy Spirit is) the counsel of a man who has been accused, to a person who espouses his cause, who defends him, straightens his affairs, and serves him with counsel and aid, admonition and encouragement, when he is in need of them. This (says Christ) is to be the work of the Holy Spirit after I leave you and you will have no comfort and no assistance in the world. All the world will be against you; and the devil will be at your heels and with his venomous, blasphemous tongue will say the worst about you and will accuse you and decry you before all the world as cheats and rebels. Besides, your own conscience and heart will plague and frighten you with the fear of God's wrath, with sadness and heavy thoughts of your own weakness, so that you well may and must despair if you were to be left without comfort and strength in this predicament. (emphasis mine)

I don't know about y'all, but I sure am grateful and thankful that I don't see even a tenth of the stuff from which the Holy Spirit protects me and hides me.

In Him and around the corner (and realizing that blissful ignorance is not always a bad thing),

Al

Comments! I love comments!!!

They're like birthday presents for me! "Someone actually read your blog! Go see if they're still breathing!" A Goddess left a comment on my last post, and I just wanted to run out, find her, and give her a big hug for validating my existence!

This is what a hilariously pathetic freakazoid I am: I crave the spotlight so much, I actually get bummed when I find no comments after something I wrote. I mean, I who am filled with wisdom and knowledge beyond my mortal body, am just brimming over with insights and observations, just waiting here for you to peruse and be amazed; the LEAST you could do is comment! By now, I should be transparent enough to everyone who reads this (all four of you) that not only am I lying about this being an online journal just for me, but that I really really really really really REALLY hope a whole bunch of people are reading this!

As much as I try to deny it, it really is all about me. I could give Terrell Owens lessons about loving me some ME! I check in with God every day to make sure our schedules match and I give Him some suggestions about how I'd like the day to go. And then I walk out the door and onto my stage that is the world. Do I look okay? Which way is the camera? Cue the music, world, cuz here's your sunshine!

But enough about me. What do YOU think about me?

Here's what I think: I get tired of suppressing the above on a daily basis. I want so much to NOT be like that, that it becomes a chore NOT to want to grab the spotlight and be the center of attention.

This is what I mean: Paul says about his own personal struggles, in 2 Corinthians 12, how God had given him a thorn in his flesh: a messenger from Satan. Three times Paul pleaded with God to remove it, and three times God said "no." Instead, God told Paul "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

So many times I have asked God to take away these selfish feelings. And yet I can't let go. There's my weakness: no real desire to change. It's all an act. At least, that's how it feels in my darkest, most cynical moments. It's a vicious cycle: at once I'm struttin' my stuff for all to see, and the next I'm beating myself up for being such a self-centered twat.

God, I do believe Your grace is sufficient for me; please help me when that same "thorn in my flesh" tries to, or rather succeeds at convincing me otherwise.

In Him and around the corner (and eager for the day when His grace is fully manifest in my soul),

Al

Gotta love God's timing!

So I'm reading my devotion this morning, and the reading is Deuteronomy chapter 2. In it, Moses and the Israelites travel thru various lands and are told by God to not engage in war with any of them, even though it's implied that these are hostile folks. One of the lands they travel through is Mount Se'ir, which is the land of Esau.

So I got curious and wondered where Mount Se'ir was and did a Google search. I ended up at this website whose web address might lead you to believe that it's a resource for Christians to research various origins of the Bible. Unfortunately, nothing could be further from the truth. What it is, in fact, is a collection of articles written by the website's author proclaiming how everything in the Bible is false, that Jesus is not the Messiah, blah blah blah. I didn't spend too much time there, as my only curiosity regarding this site was wondering WHY someone would devote such a lengthy diatribe to prove something doesn't exist.

So, back to my devotion and prayer time, and the following Bible verse was waiting for me:

Let not the wise man glory in his wisdom,
Let not the mighty man glory in his might,
Nor let the rich man glory in his riches;
But let him who glories glory in this,
That he understands and knows Me,
That I am the Lord, exercising
lovingkindness, judgment, and
righteousness in the earth.
(Jeremiah 9:23-24, emphasis mine)

It truly amazes me when God foresees my distractions and plans for them!

In Him and around the corner (and just wanting to say, "HA!")

Al

25 Things

Inspired by Jacob's post over at the Kaylor blog. More of a personal inventory than anything else:

1. I play bass, drums, and guitar, in order of ability. I am mainly self-taught, with the exception of the guitar, in which a friend of mine showed me how to play basic chords. I've never had a formal lesson on any of those instruments.

2. I love to watch things spin. Especially a washing machine.

3. One of the happiest things that happened to me recently was buying a record player and being able to listen to all my old records again. And not only listen but watch THEM spin as well!

4. I've lived in Texas my whole life but didn't buy my first pickup until a few months ago. To put this in the proper perspective, my parents and my in-laws, who are from Chicago and Michigan respectively, owned pick-ups before I did.

5. I love working with children. Nothing puts a smile on my face like the laughter of children, even if (and sometimes especially if) they're laughing at me!

6. I have been blessed that I have not lost a close family member in the entire time I've been alive. Both of my parents are alive, my sister's still alive, I still have my wife and both children, and her parents are still alive.

7. And yet I still grieve the loss of one who I'm related to but never met: my brother-in-law, Cyndy's brother, who died in an auto accident years before Cyndy and I ever met.

8. I own more CDs and LPs than I'll ever have time to listen to, and yet my collection is small compared to some others I've seen.

9. I've never done drugs, smoked pot, or anything like that, but I accidentally got high at a Foreigner concert from the second-hand smoke, when I was 15. That scared me from ever doing drugs.

10. For reasons I'm not proud of, I can remember every dumb thing I ever did while drunk. I wish I could be like others and NOT remember.

11. I led the Little League in batting average when I was in 6th grade. That was also the only team I ever played on that made it to a playoff game. We lost.

12. I've never had a broken bone. The closest I came was when I took a bad hop off the tip of my middle finger in a softball game that actually flattened the tip of my fingerbone. The doctor said that, because of that, it was technically broken.

13. I've been stitched together more than Frankenstein. Thank God society wasn't as paranoid back in the early 70's as it is today, otherwise I'd have been taken from my parents' home before I was five, because by then I'd sliced various parts of my body through my own clumsiness.

14. I got hit in the head with a baseball bat when I was 8. The doctors had to strap me in a papoose to keep me still while they put the stitches in my forehead, right between my eyes. This would be the last time I got stitches for anything. (However, that nightmare would replay itself almost 20 years later when Nathan smacked his forehead on the edge of the fireplace when he was 2, and the doctors had to strap him down as well. Thankfully, Nathan remembers none of this. Lucky dawg!)

15. I go to church with my third grade homeroom teacher. She still loves me despite all the grief I gave her!

16. I am a Christian. One of these days, I hope to act like one as well. The closest I've ever come is being a hopeful fatalist.

17. I hate pickles. People are actually surprised by this.

18. I've only been married once, and I have every reason to believe this will be the only one. (like anyone else would want to put up with this destructive concoction of OCD, depression, arrogance, and various other neuroses and eccentricities)

19. I don't have a very high opinion of myself. This is just in case you didn't pick this up from earlier items.

20. I also don't have a very high opinion of the human race. Individual people I love; I'm pretty cynical towards everyone else.

21. And yet, for reasons known only to God, my first instinct with everyone is to want to treat them with kindness and trust. I've been burned by that many a time, but hey, I like having friends and more often than not will take the chance with anyone new and let them hurt me.

22. Of the four voices in a choir (soprano, alto, tenor, bass), the only one I can't sing is soprano. If the alto part is within my range and more interesting than the tenor part, I'll sing with the altos. I get this from my mom, who would sing along with the "men only" verses in church when I was a kid.

23. I love old black-and-white movies, especially comedies. Marx Brothers, WC Fields, the Hope/Crosby "Road" pictures. And old-time radio shows, especially Jack Benny.

24. I love it when someone wants to talk about jazz from the 50's and 60's. It rarely happens, but when it does I become like a little kid.

25. I try to live my life according to what Jesus said: "Unless you become like a child, you will never enter the Kingdom of Heaven." (Matthew 18:3) This explains why I prefer to associate with children than with grown-ups. At parties, if there are kids there, that's where you'll find me. Grown-ups were a drag when I was a kid; I want to be the grown-up who isn't a drag!

Thanks for indulging me.

In Him and around the corner (and all about me),

Al

Passing time, passing people.....

More neurotic paranoia for ya....

What do you do when you're driving and you pass someone you know, only you don't realize you know that person until after they've driven by? And all they saw of you was you staring at them trying to figure out who the heck you're looking at.

This morning, I *think* I passed someone I know. Of course, I didn't realize who it was until long after I'd passed him. And I'm also sure that if he saw me, he thought nothing of the maniac in the pickup bashing his dashboard to the beat of whatever ruckus was playing at the time.

I know whenever I pass someone and wave at them and they don't see me, I just write it off to that person concentrating on other things (the road, for instance), and not a personal slight.

God, what do you do with a worry-wart like me?

In Him and around the corner (and keeping one eye on the road and one eye out for folks I know),

Al

Heart-hardening for dummies

Whoever thinks being a Christian is easy never read Exodus 10. Especially the three verses that specifically state, "The LORD hardened Pharoah's heart." I looked all over (translated: I did a Google search and looked at maybe three or four web-pages, such is modern research, I guess) for some kind of explanation of this. Nothing. At least, nothing satisfying. There were plenty of explanations, from "different translations say one thing but they mean another," to "Pharoah sinned against God which was how God hardened Pharoah's heart," to probably the one I thought was the closest: that it wasn't so much God hardening Pharoah's heart as much as it was God restraining Pharoah's heart from hardening itself. Once God removed His hand, Pharoah's heart was hardened. This argument makes sense to me; after all, what can we accomplish without the hand of God?

But the Bible doesn't say that. It doesn't say "God removed His hand from Pharoah's heart." It doesn't say "Pharoah hardened his own heart." It doesn't even say "Pharoah was about to change his mind, but his heart was hardened." No, it specifically says, "The LORD hardened Pharoah's heart." Period. On to the next plague.

What the heck was God thinking? Why did He feel it necessary to harden Pharoah's heart, when Pharoah was arrogant enough to do it himself? Aren't we all like Pharoah? When something bad happens, we tend to say "Okay God, you win. I'll do it your way." Five minutes later (and sometimes not even THAT long) we've completely forgotten our promise to God and we've reverted back to form. Exodus 10 reads a lot better and a lot more logically WITHOUT those three verses.

But then I imagine God having enough of my demanding petulance, dropping His "New Testament" veneer and letting loose:

So, I don't make sense to you. Gee, I'm so sorry. Perhaps you can tell me what part of My Plan I'm interfering with by hardening Pharoah's heart. Oh yeah, that's right: YOU AIN'T SEEN MY PLAN! Well, now that you think you've lifted yourself up to my level, allow me to go old-school Job on you. News flash: I don't answer to you!!! This may come as a shock to you and some of your buddies down there, but there's a lot of things you don't know because either you are incapable of figuring them out or I choose not to reveal the answer to you. Sometimes both! Notice I didn't say "yet." You may never know the answer. Can you live with that?

Still think I'm being arrogant? Well, pardon a guy for giving himself props for creating EVERYTHING.

Oh, and another thing, as long as you think you're at My level, perhaps you can explain why you blame Me for all the bad things that happen to you and everyone else down there. ESPECIALLY since y'all seem to have such a foothold on bringing it all upon yourselves. I'll try and put this in words you can understand: there's this cat called Satan, right? And his whole purpose is to reject Me, get you to reject Me, and to be all kinds of evil. On the other end of the spectrum, you have Me, who has plans for you, plans to prosper you. Me who loves you with a boundless energy, infinite wisdom, and eternal tenderness. So tell me again why I get all the blame and Satan gets away unscathed.

So yeah, I hardened Pharoah's heart. Don't understand why? Here's a clue: focus on the stuff you DO understand. A lot of times, if not all the time, that's all you need and all I'm gonna give you. If you don't like it, you're welcome to try and find a suitable replacement for Me. You won't be the first, you won't be the last, and you won't succeed. And don't be a wiseguy and say "science." This may come as a shock to you that I invented science by creating the very brains you use to try and prove I don't exist!

In Him and around the corner (and, if I'm honest, still bugged that I don't have all the answers),

Al

Notes for the rest of the week

Intended for no one but me, but written here in case something here speaks to you. Also so I can access it from any computer in the world.

Keep reaching out. Never stop. The one time you stop will be the one time the other hand was reaching for you.

That voice that keeps second-guessing you? That voice is not of God. Ignore it.

Not sure what to do? Take Jake's advice: "Ask God."

Say hi to as many kids as possible on Friday. They've grown up and they think you're a doofus. Be the doofus who said HI to them and don't worry about how they react or if they even react. Do it because you love them and because you've watched many of them grow from little kids in kindergarten to the teenagers they are now.

You will see a lot of people you know at Mrs. Whitt's funeral tomorrow. Hug them. Talk to them. The reason there will be a lot of people at Mrs. Whitt's funeral is the same reason there were so many people at Deb's funeral, at Jess's funeral, at Casey's funeral: they reached out to others, they loved others, they weren't afraid to let Christ's love flow through them. You shouldn't be afraid, either.

Focus on the people who are happy to see you, and believe that they truly are happy to see you.

Be a pest for God. That's not your decision. If you think someone needs you, chances are you may be right. There's enough loneliness in this world without people living in fear of reaching out to others. And if they reject you, that's not your call either. Let God handle it; He knows a few things about rejection.

Do what you can when you can with the time you have. If that isn't enough for some people, that's not your problem. Let God handle it; He knows a few things about people who are never satisfied.

If the opportunity to be kind presents itself, seize it. Don't let it go by into that netherworld of regret and might've-been. Be the person who stands out in the crowd with your kindness. Don't be just another person, another face in the crowd.

Do something, don't just sit there. If you feel it move inside you to do good or to do something good, very likely God put it there. Don't deny it or Him.

Tomorrow's another day. If the sun doesn't come up tomorrow, it only means God's called it a day and it's time to go Home. Isn't that where you want to go anyway?

Keep doing what you're doing, let God take care of the rest.

Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Finally, promise me you'll come back and read this as often as necessary. Jesus loves you, this I know; for the Bible tells me so.

In Him and around the corner (and more determined than ever),

Al

RIP Ms. Whitt

Once again, cancer rears its ugly head and sends someone home to the Lord before any of us were ready for her to be taken from us.

Sharon Whitt was the guidance counselor at Wood Elementary, where my son went to school. Nathan knew her real well, as did most of the kids at Wood because she loved those kids. One of Nathan's best friends lost his father this time last year, and Ms. Whitt helped him and his sister deal with that tragedy; you know this has got to be hitting them hard. Who knows how many other kiddos lives she touched? Hopefully, those kids will carry her memory with them in their hearts for the rest of their lives.

Please keep Ms. Whitt's family and friends in your prayers. She will definitely be missed.

In Him and around the corner (and hating cancer more and more),
Al

A few minutes

I hope that heaven allows for viewing of one's own funeral, if for no other reason than the reward of seeing how many lives were touched by the deceased.

Case in point: Deb Koplen. Tonight was her viewing at this little funeral home in downtown Grand Prairie. Not knowing Deb all that well, all I knew was that she had no family. I went to pay my respects and to say hi to Gaylene, whose family has been Deb's friends for many years. I'm happy to report that Deb had a HUGE family. Not blood-related in an earthly sense, but definitely bonded by the blood of Christ. The parking lot was jam-packed, and people were packed into the funeral home like sardines. Inside the viewing room was a plaque presented by the city of Grand Prairie, for Deb's efforts in getting that city a dog park (called "Central Bark." Gaylene tells me that the city wanted to present it to Deb in person, but unfortunately time ran out). Deb loved dogs, which was evident by the little stuffed dog placed in the casket with her. It was very touching.

All of this is meant to complete what seemed like an incomplete obituary in today's Ft. Worth paper. A little blurb saying when she died, when the viewing was and when the funeral was scheduled. That's it. You'd never know, from that obituary, how many lives Deb touched in her lifetime. Who knows how many lives she touched for only a brief few minutes, but that the memory of those few minutes would be carried for the rest of someone else's life? That communion experience was one that I'll take to my own grave.

Those few minutes, and the significance of those few minutes, ran through my mind as I paid my respects. Thinking about others with whom I've spent moments with that touched me and will stay with me for the rest of my life; thinking about relationships and how some of those relationships started because of a few minutes of talk, sharing, listening. Thanking God for those few minutes with Deb back in October, and praying that there will be other moments with unknown people, and hoping that if I'm ever in the giving position of those few minutes, that I use them wisely.

In Him and around the corner (and watching out for Deb; those ornery souls have a way of keeping you honest),

Al

You really ARE in my thoughts and prayers!

This is for anyone who has ever said to someone, “You’re in my thoughts and prayers.” We were talking about this at Bible Study the other night and this was brought up. I admitted that my prayer life is just about non-existent outside of church, and am ashamed of the fact that I say that phrase a lot, but then don’t ever do anything about it until Sunday and it’s time to remember all those for whom we are praying. By then, I’ve forgotten. My usual response is, “Lord, your memory is a lot better than mine, so anyone I said I’d pray for, let this be their prayer.” What was surprising was finding out I’m not alone in this. One of the men in the group suggested that the very act of telling someone that he/she is in your prayers is a prayer in itself, and (hopefully) gives comfort to the person receiving the blessing.

Which got me to thinking that I’ve been treating prayer like a laundry bag: fill it up during the week and cast it to the Lord on Sunday. Maybe that’s enough. It shouldn’t be. It’s like the old hymn says:

O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.

This lady named Deb Koplen passed away this morning, another victim of the evil bug known as cancer. About the only good things in this whole situation is that she had led a pretty long life and her battle was short (she was only diagnosed a couple months ago). I only met her once, and it was memorable: she was communion assistant (pouring the wine) at Casey Chrystie’s service back in October. As she poured my wine, I stopped to sip, and she said, “Come on, move it along, you’re holding up the line.” Ornery people like that are the spice of life. I was smiling for the rest of the service.

I didn’t pray for her nearly as much as I should have, if I did at all. Not that my prayers would have stopped the cancer from taking her; I don’t imagine Deb getting to heaven and God telling her, “Y’know, you’d still be alive if that Rearick character had prayed like he said he would.” (Guarantee that if Deb heard that, she’d have excused herself for a brief moment and come back here and given me a serious spiritual butt-whuppin’!) I told her friend Gaylene that Deb was in my prayers, but again, what prayers? My weekly castings of the group of forgotten folks to whom I’d made an empty promise? And is it an empty promise if the person to whom I say “You’re in my prayers” never finds out that I forgot to pray specifically for them? Maybe not to them, but I have to think it makes a difference to God. What’s that parable? The one about the man who, when given a task, says to his master “I’m not doing that,” but then does it anyway; then the other man who, when given a task, says to his master “I’ll do it,” but then doesn’t. Jesus doesn’t give reasons why this man never completes his task, only that the man does not complete the task. So, though it may not be an empty promise to the person, it’s an empty promise to God. God stands at the ready, only waiting for me to say “Go!” but not moving an inch until I do. That’s the thing about God: for the most part, He seems to stay out of our way unless we ask Him to guide our way.

And once again, I’ve painted myself into a corner, one from which only Jesus can lead me. Once again, thank God for that. O Lord, forgive me when I promise people to pray for them and then forget because I waited too long or didn’t pray enough. Lord, grant me the discipline to not only pray, but also to pray genuinely, from the heart. Once again, this is for anyone who has ever said “You’re in my thoughts and prayers” and then never followed through on that offer. Finally, if there is anyone to whom I’ve said that and then hoped that God would remember when I finally got around to it on Sunday morning, I am truly sorry.

In Him and around the corner (and praying for joy),
Al