Honest Thomas

Thomas gets more grief than he deserves, simply because Jesus used him as the catalyst for saying "Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe." It's as if Jesus is anticipating the other disciples saying to Thomas, "Yeah, see? We told you He was back! We told you we saw Him!" I don't want to put words in Jesus mouth, but the underlying thought here is Jesus saying to them, "I don't want to hear anything out of you knuckleheads. If I hadn't chosen to appear before you guys, you'd all be saying the saying the same thing Tom just said to me. Only difference between him and y'all is he's got the backbone to be honest with me." The lesson here is that doubt, in and of itself, is not nearly as poisonous as our dishonesty in dealing with it. I can go on and on about how sure I am of my faith in the risen Savior, but if I don't acknowledge my doubt before Him, then I make a mockery of His sacrifice for me. So, I don't know about y'all, but I believe I'm gonna cut Thomas some slack from here on out.

In Him and around the corner (and still faithful despite my doubt),

Al

That day is done

Note to self: if you are reading this blog and it's after midnight and you're looking for a reason to write.... STOP! Go to sleep! Your days grace has run its course.

Say good night to God and hit the hay! Pick it back up again tomorrow. It'll still be there, only it'll be covered in the newness of the day.

In Him and around the corner (and in constant need of reminding),

Al

Snatched!

And I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; neither shall anyone snatch them out of My hand. (John 10:28)

Except for when I let them snatch me.

How easily I let myself be snatched. It doesn't take much. And then I'm lifted out of Your hand. But I can still see You, so I know You'll keep an eye on me. Right?

And even as I get further away, I can still see You, which means You can still see me. Right? Except that it's getting a little colder the further away from You I get. And now it's getting foggier and the view is getting dimmer. Jesus, I can still see You, and I know that You can still see me.

But now I can barely hear You, and other voices are adding to the already cascading din. Why won't You bring me back? Whatever it is that I let snatch me from Your hand has a powerful grip on me. Well, actually, it's the other way around: I'm holding on for dear life. If I fall now that I'm so high up....

I look and I can barely see You, although I know You see me. Now the flight is becoming bumpy and I'm running into things out here in the darkness. I can't believe I did it again! I can't believe I let myself be snatched from Your hand. Again! I can take some solace in knowing that I'm not the first and won't be the last; Your Word is filled with stories of people who let themselves be snatched from Your hand and yet, every time and without fail, You caught them when they fell back to you.

Guess I oughta let gravity take it's course. And so I fall. Hoping that You will catch me. Yet You always do; why should I doubt that this time will be any different? Because it feels as though I'm taking advantage of Your grace and mercy. Because I can't hide my sin from You. Because I barely trust myself; how can I trust anyone else, even You?

The fall is painful. The same bumps and obstacles that I hit on the way up are there for me to run into again. But as I fall, I see Your face. I see Your outstretched hand. I can hear You again. And one last pinch of shame asks why I continue to leave You on a regular basis, and why after all these years, You continue to catch me?

Thanks and praise be to You, Jesus, that your love is infinite, unending, and patient; that You would love a repeat offender like me enough to catch me every time I let myself be snatched. This is what You mean: no one snatches me from Your hand because You are there to catch us when we fall, when we finally let go and say "Lord, I did it again! Catch me!"

In Him and around the corner (and still going round and round),
Al

I am going round and round....

Okay, this was a God moment. There is no other explanation for what just happened.

I had just finished typing out a long dark night of the soul almost-prayer, using the title of tonight's entry (taken from the Who's "In a Hand or Face" from The Who By Numbers) as my starting point, went to highlight the whole thing for copying elsewhere and it just.... disappeared. Just like a prayer, lifted up to the Lord, out of my hands and into His.

I tried hitting Ctrl-Z to try and bring it back, tried Ctrl-V in hopes it had accidentally been cut/copied. Tried to go back to the auto-saved draft. Nothing.

What do you make of this? Computer glitch? This isn't the first time I've done this process, but it's the first and (so far) only time it's ever evaporated right before my eyes.

It's just a reminder that when I pray, I need to let God take my prayer. I don't know about y'all, but my "amens" rarely signal that I'm ready to let go of what I'm supposed to be giving to God. Oh, what peace I often forfeit; oh, what grief and pain I bear. All because I do not carry everything to God in prayer. I believe He just showed me tonight how it's supposed to be done.

Amen, baby.

In Him and around the corner (and still in awe),

Al

"Increase our faith!"

Luke 17 is a very confusing chapter.

Jesus says you're going to have trouble, but then says it's gonna be a baaaaaad day for the one who brought you trouble.

If you have even the tiniest of faith, you could uproot a mulberry tree..... oops, a little light just went on: it's not you or I that could do that: it's God, working through our faith. But what would be the point? To do so would just be to show off, and God doesn't dig showing off. I think..... ehhh, there's that "I" word again.....

Or maybe it's just to realize that we're no greater than we think we are, but that we're also not as bad...... no, I take it back: we are as bad as we think we are. Probably worse. All I gotta do for proof of that is drive 360 in the morning. Or get behind some inconsiderate galoot in the drive-thru pharmacy line when it's five minutes to closing time and he's just sitting there and all I wanna do is pick up my prescription and go and the last time it was me who was at the front and the pharmacist asked me to move in case anyone else showed up to pick up a prescription but did this turkey move? Noooooooo!

Yep: gonna have trouble.

Lord, I don't understand; please help my misunderstanding, disunderstanding, nonunderstanding, and that I don't let that keep me from staying focused on You.

Lord, help my unbelief. Help me to hear with my heart and not with my ears. Check that out: no wonder I don't comprehend: ear has three letters, heart has five. There's an ear in my heart, but no heart in the ear. Lord, help me to hear with my heart. Lead me in the path of greater understanding.

In Him and around the corner (and hoping I didn't just bring trouble to YOU),

Al

Thinkin' about temptation...

Okay kids, my friend Gaylene posted a doozy tonight. The link is at the end, but I wanted to share with you first the crux of what she wrote and then my comment:

Gaylene writes:

The next to last line of the Lord’s Prayer says, “And lead us not into
temptation.”

I have always wondered about this line in the Lord’s Prayer. I have wondered why God would lead us into temptation. Temptation is walking the other way from where God is. And giving into temptation is falling into the hole of sin. Whether we land in that hole with our eyes wide open and with full knowledge of our actions or if we sort of slip into the hole by accident, we are still in the hole! James 1:13 says, “When people are tempted they should not say, God is tempting me.” God does not tempt us. I don’t think God can be tempted. I think this line of the prayer means, God keep me focused on you and away from the slippery spots and if I do fall, Father pick me up and set me back on the right path again.

I usually fall off the path when I let go of the hand of the Father. The good news is that God is willing to pick us up and help us back on the path once again. When we do slip and fall (and we all do), God is waiting for us. He is waiting to forgive us at the moment we ask for forgiveness and we are back in fellowship with God and holding His hand once again. We can ask for forgiveness and be assured of that forgiveness because of the next line of the prayer; “and deliver us from evil.” We are asking to be delivered from the evil one. Satan has no power over God and so His forgiveness is the gift of His grace and our deliverance from evil. When we are walking the journey there will be twists and turns, slippery places, large gaping holes and choices to make. Choose to keep your hand firmly clasped in the hand of the Father.

To which I responded:

Oh great: now you got ME pondering that line! Now that I think about it, my head's going around in circles. Of course, that could just be my daily meds wearing off.....

Seriously, I guess the only thing I can come up with is..... well, actually, I can't. I've been trying to come up with something, and I keep deleting it because it always comes back to the same conclusion, which you drew and rightly observed in James: God doesn't lead us into temptation. Given that, I'm not sure I even agree with your conclusion, reassuring as it is.

All I do know and can back up with Scripture is that James does indeed say God doesn't tempt us; but it was Jesus who, in Luke and Matthew, included "lead us not into temptation" in His instructions on how and what to pray. Why He would say that is a mystery to me. Again, I can speculate all night but still come to the same fork in the road: does God tempt us? And does it matter if He does? Doesn't He test us to the best of our abilities? Isn't that how we learn?

I don't know either; I'm just throwing questions out there.

http://greetingsfromaustinstreet.blogspot.com/2009/03/happy-st.html

Who says Christians don't know how to think?

In Him and around the corner (and still trying to keep my head from spinning),

Al

Disorganized religion (and writing)

The conversation between me and my daughter centers around her distaste for church of any kind. It hurts at first, but then it finally occurs to me: she's been at the same church her entire life. All she knows is you get up Sunday morning and you go to church. She's also had some people who she thought were friends (and "Christian" ones at that) pass harsh judgement on decisions she's made. So, as far as she's concerned, church is just a building full of hypocrites who put on a good face for about an hour and then go back to being jerks the other six-plus days of the week.

Sadly, I've completely forgotten what that feeling is like because my family changed churches when I was 16. By then, I was sick of my church. The friends that I'd known since we were little kids had turned on me and decided I wasn't cool enough for them, to the point where they were starting to talk down to me. I say this not because it was the reason (or any reason) why we left that church; instead, it's only to say that had we NOT changed churches, I'm 100% certain I'd be in the same situation as my daughter. In fact, when I was her age, I had a lot of anger towards a lot of people and things at church as well.

(Please understand that my daughter is very much a Christian. She has a faith that I only dream about. I have to remind myself that even King David--the man after God's own heart--had his moments of doubt, anger, and frustration at His people)

As cynical as I am about things (and it's all a front, by the way; I only appear cynical because my biggest fear in life is that folks will find out what a gullible naif I really am, and the bitter irony is that I'm probably the only person on the planet who doesn't realize y'all already knew that!), I have to accept a lot of blame for not showing my daughter that church is God's house. In other words, no matter what the BS that goes on inside there, it's still God's house and God is love. Ergo, if you look for it, you will find love in God's house. I don't believe I ever taught her how to look for that kind of love inside the house of God.

Thing is, I need a place to worship God and I need to be around others to do so. I know there are people in the world who claim they don't need that; more power to 'em. (Quick show of hands: how many of you feel like Simon & Garfunkel's "I Am a Rock" is speaking personally to you? Yeah, I know; me too) For those of you who think you don't need church, have you considered the possibility that the church might need you? That's not egotistical or selfish to believe, despite what others might say. Yes, I know God can fulfill His plan whether you or I am at church or not; but it sure makes me feel better knowing I'm helping Him out.

Look, I know churches can be a source of bad memories of awful times. I also know that people can be absolute garbage, even inside God's house. Heck, I witnessed it myself at church this morning, some of the most un-Christian behavior I'd ever seen. But if I let that drive me away from God's house, then the devil wins, the bad guys win, the forces of evil win. Today, anyway.

Lord, help me to show others that Your house is a house of love, and that no matter how hard we try to make it into something other than that, Your love will always prevail.

In Him and around the corner (and hoping others are feeling the love),

Al