I am going round and round....

Okay, this was a God moment. There is no other explanation for what just happened.

I had just finished typing out a long dark night of the soul almost-prayer, using the title of tonight's entry (taken from the Who's "In a Hand or Face" from The Who By Numbers) as my starting point, went to highlight the whole thing for copying elsewhere and it just.... disappeared. Just like a prayer, lifted up to the Lord, out of my hands and into His.

I tried hitting Ctrl-Z to try and bring it back, tried Ctrl-V in hopes it had accidentally been cut/copied. Tried to go back to the auto-saved draft. Nothing.

What do you make of this? Computer glitch? This isn't the first time I've done this process, but it's the first and (so far) only time it's ever evaporated right before my eyes.

It's just a reminder that when I pray, I need to let God take my prayer. I don't know about y'all, but my "amens" rarely signal that I'm ready to let go of what I'm supposed to be giving to God. Oh, what peace I often forfeit; oh, what grief and pain I bear. All because I do not carry everything to God in prayer. I believe He just showed me tonight how it's supposed to be done.

Amen, baby.

In Him and around the corner (and still in awe),

Al

"Increase our faith!"

Luke 17 is a very confusing chapter.

Jesus says you're going to have trouble, but then says it's gonna be a baaaaaad day for the one who brought you trouble.

If you have even the tiniest of faith, you could uproot a mulberry tree..... oops, a little light just went on: it's not you or I that could do that: it's God, working through our faith. But what would be the point? To do so would just be to show off, and God doesn't dig showing off. I think..... ehhh, there's that "I" word again.....

Or maybe it's just to realize that we're no greater than we think we are, but that we're also not as bad...... no, I take it back: we are as bad as we think we are. Probably worse. All I gotta do for proof of that is drive 360 in the morning. Or get behind some inconsiderate galoot in the drive-thru pharmacy line when it's five minutes to closing time and he's just sitting there and all I wanna do is pick up my prescription and go and the last time it was me who was at the front and the pharmacist asked me to move in case anyone else showed up to pick up a prescription but did this turkey move? Noooooooo!

Yep: gonna have trouble.

Lord, I don't understand; please help my misunderstanding, disunderstanding, nonunderstanding, and that I don't let that keep me from staying focused on You.

Lord, help my unbelief. Help me to hear with my heart and not with my ears. Check that out: no wonder I don't comprehend: ear has three letters, heart has five. There's an ear in my heart, but no heart in the ear. Lord, help me to hear with my heart. Lead me in the path of greater understanding.

In Him and around the corner (and hoping I didn't just bring trouble to YOU),

Al

Thinkin' about temptation...

Okay kids, my friend Gaylene posted a doozy tonight. The link is at the end, but I wanted to share with you first the crux of what she wrote and then my comment:

Gaylene writes:

The next to last line of the Lord’s Prayer says, “And lead us not into
temptation.”

I have always wondered about this line in the Lord’s Prayer. I have wondered why God would lead us into temptation. Temptation is walking the other way from where God is. And giving into temptation is falling into the hole of sin. Whether we land in that hole with our eyes wide open and with full knowledge of our actions or if we sort of slip into the hole by accident, we are still in the hole! James 1:13 says, “When people are tempted they should not say, God is tempting me.” God does not tempt us. I don’t think God can be tempted. I think this line of the prayer means, God keep me focused on you and away from the slippery spots and if I do fall, Father pick me up and set me back on the right path again.

I usually fall off the path when I let go of the hand of the Father. The good news is that God is willing to pick us up and help us back on the path once again. When we do slip and fall (and we all do), God is waiting for us. He is waiting to forgive us at the moment we ask for forgiveness and we are back in fellowship with God and holding His hand once again. We can ask for forgiveness and be assured of that forgiveness because of the next line of the prayer; “and deliver us from evil.” We are asking to be delivered from the evil one. Satan has no power over God and so His forgiveness is the gift of His grace and our deliverance from evil. When we are walking the journey there will be twists and turns, slippery places, large gaping holes and choices to make. Choose to keep your hand firmly clasped in the hand of the Father.

To which I responded:

Oh great: now you got ME pondering that line! Now that I think about it, my head's going around in circles. Of course, that could just be my daily meds wearing off.....

Seriously, I guess the only thing I can come up with is..... well, actually, I can't. I've been trying to come up with something, and I keep deleting it because it always comes back to the same conclusion, which you drew and rightly observed in James: God doesn't lead us into temptation. Given that, I'm not sure I even agree with your conclusion, reassuring as it is.

All I do know and can back up with Scripture is that James does indeed say God doesn't tempt us; but it was Jesus who, in Luke and Matthew, included "lead us not into temptation" in His instructions on how and what to pray. Why He would say that is a mystery to me. Again, I can speculate all night but still come to the same fork in the road: does God tempt us? And does it matter if He does? Doesn't He test us to the best of our abilities? Isn't that how we learn?

I don't know either; I'm just throwing questions out there.

http://greetingsfromaustinstreet.blogspot.com/2009/03/happy-st.html

Who says Christians don't know how to think?

In Him and around the corner (and still trying to keep my head from spinning),

Al

Disorganized religion (and writing)

The conversation between me and my daughter centers around her distaste for church of any kind. It hurts at first, but then it finally occurs to me: she's been at the same church her entire life. All she knows is you get up Sunday morning and you go to church. She's also had some people who she thought were friends (and "Christian" ones at that) pass harsh judgement on decisions she's made. So, as far as she's concerned, church is just a building full of hypocrites who put on a good face for about an hour and then go back to being jerks the other six-plus days of the week.

Sadly, I've completely forgotten what that feeling is like because my family changed churches when I was 16. By then, I was sick of my church. The friends that I'd known since we were little kids had turned on me and decided I wasn't cool enough for them, to the point where they were starting to talk down to me. I say this not because it was the reason (or any reason) why we left that church; instead, it's only to say that had we NOT changed churches, I'm 100% certain I'd be in the same situation as my daughter. In fact, when I was her age, I had a lot of anger towards a lot of people and things at church as well.

(Please understand that my daughter is very much a Christian. She has a faith that I only dream about. I have to remind myself that even King David--the man after God's own heart--had his moments of doubt, anger, and frustration at His people)

As cynical as I am about things (and it's all a front, by the way; I only appear cynical because my biggest fear in life is that folks will find out what a gullible naif I really am, and the bitter irony is that I'm probably the only person on the planet who doesn't realize y'all already knew that!), I have to accept a lot of blame for not showing my daughter that church is God's house. In other words, no matter what the BS that goes on inside there, it's still God's house and God is love. Ergo, if you look for it, you will find love in God's house. I don't believe I ever taught her how to look for that kind of love inside the house of God.

Thing is, I need a place to worship God and I need to be around others to do so. I know there are people in the world who claim they don't need that; more power to 'em. (Quick show of hands: how many of you feel like Simon & Garfunkel's "I Am a Rock" is speaking personally to you? Yeah, I know; me too) For those of you who think you don't need church, have you considered the possibility that the church might need you? That's not egotistical or selfish to believe, despite what others might say. Yes, I know God can fulfill His plan whether you or I am at church or not; but it sure makes me feel better knowing I'm helping Him out.

Look, I know churches can be a source of bad memories of awful times. I also know that people can be absolute garbage, even inside God's house. Heck, I witnessed it myself at church this morning, some of the most un-Christian behavior I'd ever seen. But if I let that drive me away from God's house, then the devil wins, the bad guys win, the forces of evil win. Today, anyway.

Lord, help me to show others that Your house is a house of love, and that no matter how hard we try to make it into something other than that, Your love will always prevail.

In Him and around the corner (and hoping others are feeling the love),

Al

Faith and religion...

Facebook is bad. Bad. Bad. Bad with a capital B bad. As if I don't have enough distractions in my life. I should've gone to bed over an hour ago, but I've been busy visiting "friends" pages, looking up old classmates, taking various quizzes, and generally wasting time. Just wondering: at what point did we as a society decide that we needed to broadcast every waking moment to the general public? I'm not asking as a critic, but as someone who can very easily get swept up in the moment of thinking the world really gives a rat's you-know-what about my every waking moment.

Now, to quote Bill Cosby, I told you that story to tell you this. On one of my friend's page, he mentions that he hates "politics and religion." In one discussion awhile back, he told me he was an agnostic (and given his situation right now, that's actually a positive statement; I'm suprised he's not an outright atheist, but then I'm no expert on levels of belief/unbelief). Honestly, I always feel sad whenever I hear someone say that they are an agnostic, an atheist, don't need church, don't need religion, etc. The only way I can describe the sadness would be like someone telling me my dad didn't exist, or that I don't need my dad; another way of describing it is watching someone give a gift to someone else, only to have that gift either rejected outright, or motives questioned, or..... running out of words here.

Up front: I've been blessed in that, for the most part, my religious experiences have been good, or at the very least, nothing has ever happened that made me doubt the presence of God. I've also been of the opinion that God is good and that He uses everything to His advantage. That's not to say I've never been angry, frustrated, upset, disappointed, or generally apathetic to Him. Nor do I believe that all the bad stuff that happens is "part of His plan" (I hate it when people say that. Like God planned on the awful shootings that happened this week. That sound you heard was my BS meter going through the roof)

I guess it's my job, as someone who claims to follow Christ, to show others (especially my friend)that religion isn't the same thing as faith. Religion is taught, faith is learned. Religion is of the brain, faith is of the heart. Religion tries to make sense out of everything, faith accepts that nothing makes sense except God and even HE doesn't make sense to us. (I'd like to think that believers and non-believers can agree on that last point)

In the next post, I'll explain why, despite the fact I believe that "organized religion" is a misnomer, I still need church. And hopefully, if you don't believe you need church, maybe a light will go on in your heart. Or at the very least, a spark will have been lit.

In Him and around the corner (and resisting the urge to check out Facebook one more time before going to bed),

Al

Music-making

Can't believe I left out one of THE highlights of the last two weeks and of the entire 39th-birth-day-it's-REALLY-all-about-ME weekend: I got to make music with my next-door neighbor Mark. We spent an entire Sunday afternoon at his house just running through old hymns, songs he's written, and other assorted jams (for anyone who likes Blue Note jazz, we trampled through Grant Green's version of "Joshua Fit de Battle of Jericho" from Feelin' the Spirit, as spiritual a jazz record or any record for that matter. What was so cool was that we played it pretty close to the record, despite the fact that Mark had never heard this particular version!!!)

We rocked out on "I Love to Tell the Story" (probably my favorite hymn) and other tunes from the old Lutheran "green book;" "Holy Holy Lord" and "You Are So Wonderful," both written by Mark and available as free downloads at his website www.markandrewpope.com, and both of them a bunch of fun to play! We also listened to other songs and then his son (who's 20 months old) came in and did some "guest vocals" (i.e. he sat on daddy's lap, babbled into the microphone, and laughed the kind of laugh only a toddler can do, the kind that us grown-ups wonder why/how we ever forgot to laugh like that) which made me wish I'd had my camera going.

Talk about making a joyful noise unto the Lord! Here's hoping there will be more opportunities to do so. So, thank you Lord for the gift of music and for Mark, someone with whom you allow me to share that gift.

In Him and around the corner (and still feelin' the spirit),

Al

Emphasize THIS

Against You, You only, have I sinned,
And done this evil in Your sight --
That You may be found just when You speak,
And blameless when You judge (Psalm 51:4).

The same passage with one word highlighted:

Against You, You only, have I sinned,
And done this evil in Your sight --
That You may be found just when You speak,
And blameless when You judge

Now, that's the way we normally read it: that we would find out that God is a just and loving God. However, in my four-hour-sleep-deprived state this morning, I inadvertently emphasized a different word:

Against You, You only, have I sinned,
And done this evil in Your sight --
That You may be found just when You speak,
And blameless when You judge

God speaks, and I am found. God speaks, and He finds me. Or you. Or anyone else, for that matter.

Lord, please speak to me and find me. Not on my terms, but on yours.

In Him and around the corner (and out in the open),

Al

PS: The ducks are back!!! Folks in my neighborhood might know who I'm talking about. There's these two ducks, a mallard and.... a brown one. Last spring, they walked all over the neighborhood, like an old couple out for an evening stroll. For some reason, they loved our street and were constantly camping out in front of our neighbor's houses and sometimes my house. I guess this is how we tell when spring has returned around here!