Two weeks notice

Hope you got your coffee (or whatever caffeinated beverage) ready, this one's a long one.

In between the last time I wrote and this time, the following took place:

-Became an official WARM Place Facilitator and learned another lesson about God's will versus my own. I wanted to be placed in a group for kids grieving the death of a parent or sibling. Instead, I got assigned to a group for kids grieving the death of a grandparent and/or other extended family members. At first I was disappointed; this wasn't what I wanted. Then, in not so many blunt terms, God had a way of saying, "So I should assign those other folks in your class (you know, the ones who have ACTUALLY LOST A PARENT OR SIBLING) to the 'grandparent group,' so you can work with kids who've lost parents or siblings (despite the fact that you have lost NEITHER, but you HAVE lost your grandparents, one of whom you were extremely close to). Yeah, explain THAT one to me." I don't always understand how/why God works, but I do appreciate his bluntness.

-Turned 39 and had THE best birthday party ever. It caused me to think of a variation on the Ash Wednesday proclamation: "Remember that you are loved, and to Love you shall return." I hope all of you will carry that in your heart as well.

-While turning 39 isn't such a big deal (the first of many, I hope), it did cause me to reflect on the past 20 years. My daughter is 22; she is now the age I was when I asked her mother to marry me. Even THAT one caught Cyndy by surprise. Some cousins of mine will have been married for 20 years this June. We had a family reunion in August of '89, and my sister and I played with young cousins who are now in their 20's, maybe married, maybe have kids, who knows? I bought my first bass that summer, and I still have it. The funny thing is, I don't feel any different now than I did 20 years ago. I thank the kids for that; they keep me young. Or, at least, feeling young.

-On the same day I turned 39, a good friend of mine had her baby boy. The mom is maybe a couple years older than me, and the only reason I say that is because she's like the older sibling I never had.

-Learned that cancer had claimed yet another victim this week. I've lost count. I haven't lost heart, though. (Yeah, I know, big deal, yay for me, it's all about me, remember?). Note to self: tell the grandparents about The WARM Place for their grandson. And while I'm at it, keep in your prayers these two girls who lost their mom about a year ago (also to cancer). Their dad is not dealing well with the loss, and has gone completely caveman-ninja on them, borderline abuse. He refuses to let them seek grief counseling. The oldest girl even brags about how she didn't cry at her mom's funeral. The two girls are 14 and 7. I've taught the 7-year-old in Sunday School a couple of times, and she's a wonderful child, so it breaks my heart to hear about her situation.

-Made an appointment with a therapist/psychiatrist to deal with various issues, mostly anger and the fact that I've been taking EVERYTHING personally lately and lashing out at every chance I get. For whatever it's worth (and this is just for future reference, so future AL, when you read this and ask why you thought anyone would give a rat's you-know-what about what kind of drugs you were on, hopefully it will be to see how far you've come), I am on four different meds to combat various anxieties, depression, self-loathing, and other scattered neuroses. I was supposed to seek a therapist when I started back on my meds about three years ago. I have had little to no success with psychiatrists and therapists, but the fact that two different people, completely unrelated and in completely different contexts, asked me the same question ("Where do you go to deal with your anger?") and the fact that even Nathan notices when I'm angry eben though I don't feel angry, finally pushed me to make that call. Again, God's will versus my own, and yet another small revelation of why He sent me to the WARM Place, because it was through the training that I found the doctor I eventually called. Hopefully, this one works. Please pray for me.

-Took Cyndy and Nathan to Austin visit UT and the big open house known as "Explore UT." Had the time of our lives, exploring the campus, checking out the different departments, and then marching with the band from the practice field to the UT tower, where a big group picture was taken which will be posted on the UT website in a couple of days.

-While all that was going on, I was seized by a number of bittersweet moments: realizing that Nathan is five years away from going to UT; remembering how hard it was to move my sister down there; walking through some of the same areas we walked through when we moved her down there and thinking "This is only five years away." Even driving home from Austin today, I had a lump in my throat thinking about Nathan moving out. Five years may seem like a long time, but 13 years sure went by pretty quickly. Heck, for that matter, THIRTY-NINE years went by rather quickly.

My apologies for the big lag between posts. Now that we're up to speed, I can go back to posting the usual nonsense and meanderings.

In Him and around the corner (and convinced that Daylight Savings Time is the work of Satan),

Al